


hey jude

by sirensangel



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: 21st century references, A lot of Beatles references, Alternate Universe, F/M, OC has synesthesia, Original Female of Color, Protective Spock (Star Trek), Synesthesia, USS Discovery (Star Trek), alien culture and civilization, my OC is kinda dumb but she's trying her best, reference to the summer of 2014
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23360377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirensangel/pseuds/sirensangel
Summary: “ I understand you’re confused,” Pike cleared his throat. The room was heavy with silence. Her lack of response under the scrutiny of the crew worried Pike - he seemed to struggle between approaching her and giving her space.“ If you have questions and I know you do, I suggest you ask them now and we will try our best to answer them. One at a time.”Number One caught Spock’s gaze, her usual impassivity was beginning to crumble as she eyed the woman before them. Finally, pulling away from the window, Jude shifted in place, looking down at her bare feet.She sucked in a breath and looked at Pike directly in his eyes, “Do people still listen to the Beatles?”In which space travel has consequences, ones that involve a rift in the space-time continuum, a 21st century woman, alien civilizations, music brought to you by John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr, an emotionally constipated science officer, pinning, Una and Pike rolling their eyes, more music from the sixties , unknown alien civilizations, astrophysics, a romulan traitor, and finally and how everyone seems to know more about Spock’s love life than he does.( set after the events of Star Trek:Discovery s2e14 )
Relationships: Spock & Original Female Character(s), Spock (Star Trek)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 93





	1. we all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ! This is my very first star trek fanfiction and although I have liked Star Trek for years now, I have never really written anything about it. I started out as a fan of the reboot films, until I became invested in Discovery. I am sorry if my facts aren't correct and are not accurate, please do correct me and i accept constructive criticism ( although please deliver it kindly lol )
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fanfiction and I am horrible at science, so if there's any scientific mistakes or if you're a scientist and you're reading this, I'm sorry to have disappointed you and yes, I got an F in physics.
> 
> I do not own star trek and do not profit from it in any way.

_2254, Federation Space_

A signal has appeared on one of his sensors, alerting Spock of an unusual level of energy reading, emitting from what is thought to be an unoccupied area in federation space. The readings were coming from the surface of an asteroid within the beta quadrant. He knew it was not uncommon for these readings to frequently appear, it would be best and most logical for the crew to maintain course for Edrin II, as a new moon was discovered orbiting this planet.

A new moon above Edrin II would be most concerning, considering that its presence would disrupt the gravitational pull between Edrin II and its first moon, this would increase the level of tidal waves within the planet and disrupt its ecosystem – there is also the plausible possibility that it will harm the inhabitants. However, according to his calculations on the new moon’s density and mass, it would take about 400.5 standard years for the two moons to collide with one another. The collision would be a spectacular one but not quite harmful for civilizations on Edrin II because of the relatively slow speeds of the moons. Asteroids and other debris released will unlikely be pulled into the gravitational field of the planet, as –

“ Lieutenant Spock,” Pike called out, interrupting him from his thoughts. Their eyes met and there was no doubt that the captain knew what he was doing, their familiarity with one another has made it easy for the pair to work efficiently together, without having to frequently question what the other was doing or thinking.

“ Are you weighing our options ?”

“ Affirmative. The mission on Edrin II could wait as we tend to these signals, captain.”

“ Good,” He nodded, “ Number One, take us closer to the source of those energy readings.”

“ Aye, captain, “ She replied, wasting no time to show an image of the asteroid on screen as they dropped out of warp. The energy readings were fluctuating at an inconsistent rate.

“ It seems to be a wormhole sir,” Parvati Manoj, replied, sending her readings all over the bridge, which showed familiar patterns of disparate points in spacetime. Yet, Spock instantly noticed the pattern on this specific wormhole, after proving his suspicions, he turned to the crew.

“ Captain,” He paused, weighing on the possibility of his findings. The readings were similar to the wormhole opened by Michael before – Spock had to keep himself from flinching at the memory. He could feel himself grow hopeful, yet now was not the time to reconcile with what he had felt at the moment of _Discovery’s_ disappearance into the future, of his sister’s disappearance. He knew that it was highly unlikely, nearly impossible, for his sister to find her way back to the present.

“ Although it only carries a magnitude of 7.5582 × 1030 kilograms and a size of 24 kilometers wide, the readings of this wormhole are similar to the ones recorded on the day,” He paused, eyes flicking towards Number One. She caught his gaze, holding it steady with her own and the slight raise of her eyebrows meant he need not say further. She wordlessly stared at Pike and Spock couldn’t help but notice at how expressive humans were with their eyes, with just one look, their captain seemed to catch on, along with the rest of the crew on the bridge, who are sworn under oath to never speak about the incident ever again. Their screens beeped, alerting them that time was once again, not on their side.

The wormhole was turning unstable, pulling smaller meteorites into its orbit and if the Enterprise doesn’t hurry, they might be pulled along with it.

“ Sir,” Park Chung Hee frowned, “ The wormhole is closing in on itself, fast.”

“ That settles it, get us out of here before it happens, Mr.Hee,” Pike nodded, “ Number One, resume course to –“

“ Wait, sir,” Manoj called out, nearly standing out of her seat as she furrowed her brows at the screen. She seemed deeply troubled at her readings, “ I detected a- a life sign above the asteroid, sir.”

“ That’s not possible,” Pike looked at Spock. They shouldn't detect any signs of life this far out in the beta quadrant with no signs of activity beforehand. Spock theorized that the wormhole was the possible effects of the one Michael had opened, a consequence of disrupting the space-time continuum. Several logs from various Starfleet ships over the past 125 days have also recorded the appearances of these wormholes, but they disappeared just as fast as they appeared. Its average lifespan was approximately 15,78 minutes. This one has been open for exactly 10 minutes and 35 seconds, it would soon close on itself.

“ Are you sure ?” Pike confirmed.

Manoj nodded furiously, “ I’m positive, sir.”

“ Hail them.”

The line hummed, but there was no answer. Pike frowned, seemingly distressed by the inability to communicate with whoever is making him risk the lives of his crew.

“ Negative sir,” Spock replied, “ Their communications are down, the energy and gravitational field around the wormhole must have disrupted the signal, this means we must investigate, I will go.”

“ Wait, Spock, we have to think this through,” Pike stood up, stopping him midway.

“ I am afraid we don’t have time, Captain, according to calculations, we have approximately 5 minutes and 10 seconds before the wormhole closes in on itself. If there is any chance of us in making contact with whoever is on that asteroid, we must hurry. It is only logical if I go. I am familiar with the workings of the wormhole and I have come closer to it than anyone else on this ship.”

“ He’s also the science officer, sir,” Number One agreed, “ We should trust him.”

Pike seemed apprehensive, but he knew they had no choice, “ Take a shuttle Spock and hurry, Number One, relief helm control to Cadet Manoj, go with Spock.”

Number One nodded, jogging up to Spock in the turbo lift, “ Aye Captain.”

As they reached the shuttle, Number One was quick to prepare them a shuttle. They drifted out into space, with Number One on the controls. The shuttle was hit with a wave of turbulence, rocking them violently. They hovered ten meters away from the asteroid and the wormhole was swallowing everything in its path. Spock couldn’t understand the very existence of the lifeform, surely, they would have fallen inside the wormhole by now?

“ The cameras can’t get a reading on whatever-or, _whoever_ is on that asteroid,” Number One growled in frustration. It has seemed that she was easy to distress whenever they were grouped in threatening situations, however, Spock was aware this was nothing like their first meeting in the turbo-lift.

“ I will go closer and tie myself onto the ship.”

“ Be careful out there Spock, we don’t know what we’re dealing with here.”

He noticed how her voice has softened, dropping to an octave that would border close to worry. Yet, Number One remained firm on her expressions, shooting him one of her impassive gazes. He took another exo-suit with him, checking its functionality. It would be plausible that whoever was on that asteroid was inside a broken suit, it would be best to bring one in case of an emergency. The new exo-suit he had with him was a prototype of the one he currently was wearing. The _EV suit mark IV_ was issued to every standard vessel ever since it was approved by Starfleet thirty-one days ago, controlled by nanotechnology ( courtesy of section 31’s findings ) the suit was a helmet that would immediately activate as a fully functional suit once it detects a lifeform close by.

Spock was acutely aware that in humans, after about one minute, circulation would stop altogether once they are exposed to space. After another minute, they will die of asphyxiation. They have about ninety seconds, that is, if the lifeform detected was human. Vulcans, due to the harsh climate, have a prolonged chance of survival by ten seconds –

The shuttle rocked violently to the side and Spock braced himself by the door.

“ I will try, Number One.”

* * *

Once he landed above the asteroid’s surface he began scanning for the lifeform, to his surprise, it came directly from inside the wormhole. He knew he had to maintain his distance to avoid being pulled inside, yet the lifeform seemed to be going against the pull, gradually coming closer to him. Spock used one hand to anchor himself against a rock.

“ Number One, the lifeform, it is coming directly from inside the wormhole.”

His feet slid against the surface and he stumbled forward, gripping the rock tighter. The line secured behind him was pulled taut, tension running over it. If Spock were to make any more sudden movements, it would snap.

“ Number One, do you copy ?”

Her words were a mixture of static, barely audible. The life signature in his readings was gradually picking up its pace, propelling towards him at an alarming speed as the wormhole closed around itself. Spock looked up from the screen and that’s when he saw it.

The movement was too quick for him to comprehend, he nearly missed it due to the wormhole closing on itself. It released a wave of energy that swept him away, yet at the sight he immediately released his grip on the rock, pushing himself onto the mass. The force knocked them both out of the asteroid’s surface and in one swift movement, Spock placed the exo-suit around the figure.

“ Spock !” Number One’s voice rippled through his coms.

Spock wrapped both his arms around the lifeform as they violently spun, the line pulling them to the direction of the shuttle. That was when his back collided with the hull of the ship, sending his helmet across theirs, creating a small crack on his visor. Spock audibly grunted, tightening his hold around the lifeform. The impact was softened by his suit, nonetheless, it would’ve killed _her_.

“ Spock, do you copy? Are you alright ?”

“ Number One, get us back on the shuttle,” He looked down at the body, not bothering to hide the tone of surprise “ I believe I have secured the life form. It’s a human female.”

* * *

Spock has never heard Number One curse, it was not in her nature to let her emotions slip, even when she’s angry. Shouting a profanity would imply that her emotions have been deeply compromised or alert those around her that she is in a state of distress. Number One believed she was above these things and therefore discourage any unnecessary use of crude language. That was before Number One saw that a human was pulled out of a wormhole.

“ What the fuck,” She breathed out, dropping on her knees to immediately press her fingers under her chin, “ She’s _alive_. How is this possible ?”

The moment she come in contact with the wormhole, she should have entered an event horizon, otherwise known as the point of no return. Whatever passes the event horizon can never return because the wormhole’s pull is too strong to escape, even if she was traveling at the speed of light. Whoever the woman was, there was no evidence that she was protected by a suit. This would imply that her body should have undergone a process what is crudely known by humans as ‘spaghettification’ long before she had even reached an event horizon. Wormholes have very large tidal forces that will stretch her paper-thin, ripping her atom by atom. As Pike has once said, “ There would be no trace, no physical evidence that you ever existed.”

Spock shook his head, “ I do not know, sir. She should be dead.”

The woman below them sucked in a breath, her eyes fluttering open before shutting once more.

“ She is recovering from prolonged exposure. We must bring her to sickbay.”

“ Okay,” Number One nodded, “ Okay, yeah I’ll inform the captain.”

She strode towards communications and Spock analyzed the woman. She is dressed in civilian clothing, this decreases the possibility that she is a federation officer by 40.67 %. Her height is a hundred and sixty-five centimeters and he approximated she weighs around fifty-three kilograms, judging by her facial complexion she is in her early twenties, although there was no credit or evidence to his assumptions. He would not go as far as to presume her ethnicity; the information would serve him no aid in identifying who she is. 

“ I’ve informed the captain, he’s going to meet us at sickbay. Make sure she doesn’t die along the way, Spock.”

Spock could only nod.

* * *

_2014 , Earth_

“ You’re doing it again.”

Jude tore her eyes away from the setting sun, feeling the way the sand dig into the heels of her feet. She looked at her friend, leaning backward to perch herself on her elbows. “ What exactly am I doing Gwen?”

Gwen gave her a tight smile, shaking her head.

“ You’re staring into nothing again, it means you’ve got something bothering you.”

The wind was starting to pick up, blowing against her face, sending goosebumps prickling against her skin, but Jude likes it. She relishes in the chirping of the crickets behind them, the noise echoing around the dense cluster of trees behind her. The silence between them was usually welcomed, but now it was strained. Jude sensed that Gwen was struggling to decide on whether to sacrifice their little moment of comfort or call her out for her unusual behavior. At first, continuing like this sounded perfectly fine, but Jude didn’t want to be a hypocrite. She would do the same for her if their places were switched.

“ I’m just,” She trailed off, struggling to find the right words. Eventually, the words died down on her throat and she just let the silence take over once more. Jude pulled her knees in, watching as the last rays of sunlight saturated the sky with a mixture of blue and orange.

“ It’s okay. You can tell me,” Gwen urged her friend, placing a palm against her shoulder.

Jude placed her hand over hers, rubbing her thumb across the skin. Gwen’s hands were always warm, no matter what they were wearing or where they were, her hands would always be buzzing with residual heat. As fun as it was to have her own personal heater, Jude can’t help but wonder at the absurdity of it.

“ Tomorrow is our last day of high school.”

“ I’ve noticed,” Gwen laughed softly, “ Aren’t you supposed to be excited? This is your chance to see the world. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted ?”

Jude nodded stiffly, “ It is. But there’s something I’m not telling you and I guess this is my chance to come clean. Last month, I applied for a scholarship to this university in New York. They’re looking for students who are ‘exceptionally gifted in music’. I thought about what you said about being ‘ more ambitious’ and so I applied.”

Gwen looked like she wanted to crack the biggest smile to congratulate her friend, but then her face shifted as she began to put two and two together. Her face crumbled and Jude wanted nothing more but to shrink away and disappear.

“ Oh no, Jude.”

Gwen pulled her into a hug and that’s when she couldn’t take it anymore; Jude started crying, tears falling down her cheeks and staining Gwen’s shoulders as she buried her face in them. Neither of them said a word, but the truth hung between them heavily. They both knew Jude needed the scholarship. Jude’s mind went back to the email in her computer, the neat little words by the end of the paper causing her cry even harder.

“ _…… We regret that we cannot offer you admission to this program._

_Your application file was considered in detail by me and by the faculty members in your area of interest. The number of applications we received far exceeded the number of students we are able to accept, and so we had to make very difficult admissions decisions. Each application is considered in relation to other applications in the same area and only the very top applicants are admitted. Your application, considered as a whole, was not as strong as some of the others we received._

_Although I must regretfully send you an unfavorable response to your application, I appreciate your interest in our program and I certainly wish you the best for your future work._ ”

“ I’ve worked as hard as I could. I practice, day and night until my fingers bleed, a-and I chased down principal Collins down the halls every Tuesday so he can write me a letter of recommendation. I volunteered for every community service opportunity there is and, and – “

Jude wiped the back of her palms against her eyes, “ And I just don’t understand why."

Gwen patiently waited for her friend to calm down, listening to every word that poured out of her mouth. The sky was now pitch black, filled with freckles of constellations. Out in the open, the sky glittered above them like jewels and Jude could do nothing but stare at them.

For a moment, Jude wondered why she looked more distressed than she does. She looked guilty as if there’s something she could have done. Immediately, Jude felt unfair for sharing her failures and was about to apologize when Gwen beat her to it.

“ I wish I could have done more for you. When I first came here, I knew no one, I knew nothing about your town, your people, your culture. I was alone, until you came along and showed me your kindness. You patiently guided me through your world and for the first time in my life I felt happy. I felt free.”

Gwen stared longingly at the stars, smiling at the memories they shared. Jude always knew how hard it was for her to integrate herself into American culture, she was an exchange student and although Jude has never been to Sweden, she suspected they wouldn’t be as clueless as Gwen. But Jude knew the feeling, her mother was from Indonesia and her father was French Polynesian. They were immigrants who had a difficult time raising their child in America,the two of them struggled to accommodate themselves to the culture. Eventually, she found her place, and she was glad Gwen did too. Plus, the feeling was mutual, without Gwen, Jude would’ve suffered through a horrible summer.

Gwen’s hand trailed down her neck and she clutched her necklace, before unlatching it. She wrapped the lace around Jude’s neck and the crystal rests above her chest, cold and heavier than she expects it to be. The crystal was deep red, mimicking the shade of freshly picked cherries. It seemed to hum against her skin, emitting the same warmth Gwen does.

“Gwen I can’t take it- “

“Didn’t you tell me that rejecting a gift was rude ?” Gwen countered, “Take it as a sign of our friendship, if you reject it, it means you reject our friendship.”

“ But isn’t this from your mother? I can’t take this, she wanted to give it to you.”

“ She wanted to give it to me because she thought it would protect me, but I don’t need protection, not anymore,” She declared proudly, “ Where I come from, this crystal is priceless, invaluable. You must not lose it, promise me, that you’ll wear it with you at all times. I want to know that even if we are apart, you’re safe.I didn’t give it to you out of pity, I gave it to you because you’re my friend.”

Jude shook her head, reluctant to accept the gift, but she knew she couldn’t wipe the smile away from Gwen’s face. So she cradled it with her fingers. “Thank you, Gwen. I wouldn’t trade this for the world, but what’s all this talk about being apart? We’re a team, remember ? Even if you decide to leave for university somewhere else I’ll always be there for you.”

The water by the lake begins to stir, the tide rising along with the pull of the moon. It lapped on the shore gently, washing away Jude’s worries. Yet, Gwen’s face seemed to shift, and for a fraction of a second, Jude could sense her sadness. Gwen seemed to want to disagree with her statement, but she decided against it, opting to give Jude one of her unreadable stares.

It felt like a goodbye.

“ I wish you all the kindness in the world, Jude Tudor. Someday, if time permits, I’ll repay your kindness.”

Jude grinned, pulling her friend into a hug. On the riverbanks a young nightingale serenades the night with its laughter, it's sable feathers ruffling as it dances along to nature's call. A strike of cobalt adorned its wings, only seen when it leaps into the air to swoop against the branch of a magnificent oaken tree. Silence engulfed them once more, only this time, it was welcomed like an old friend.

If Jude had known that it would be the last time they met, she would’ve never left. But she didn’t and she never saw her again.

* * *

Jude woke up with a start, her entire body shaking as her eyes pried themselves open. The first thing she noticed was that her lungs were burning, her throat constricting on itself as she struggled to breathe. A hand landed on the side of her shoulder, guiding her back against the bed as the world spun. Jude blinked repeatedly, adjusting her vision; everything was so _bright_. To add that, _colors_ began to swirl her vision, clashing with one another in a way that makes her stomach sick. She began hearing a soft rendition of The Beatle's _Norwegian Wood_ in her ears. She knew it was because of the colors, because of the _voices_ around her.

“ Take it easy,” A voice urged, anchoring her into the present. The remnants of the dream she just had fading in her mind. It urged her to bring her fingers against her chest and once they feel the familiar outline of her necklace she sighed in relief.

She swallowed, throat feeling like sandpaper. Several moments passed by and the ringing in her ears began to fade, along with the music , as if someone was turning down the radio, amplifying the words being spoken to her.

“ Easy now, are you with us ?”

She tried to focus on the woman speaking and when her vision returned to normal, with the colors fading into the background, she nodded, her throat too pained for her to say a word. The woman taking care of her seemed to notice, passing her a cup of water, to which she finished under two seconds.

“ Hey now, you’re going to choke if you continue like that.”

Jude nodded, feeling suddenly ashamed, “ I’m sorry. T-thank you for the water. It’s just, what happened?”

Jude assumed she was in a hospital, a really nice once. One where they have walls so clean, they glow pure white. The woman, or rather the doctor, went to the other side of her bed to refill her water. Jude shook her head gently, swallowing the headache blooming around her skull.

“ We hope you can help us with that.”

Jude turned away from the woman to the man on her left.

“ I know this may be difficult for you, and I’m sorry for having to interrogate you right after you wake up, but we need you to cooperate with us.”

Jude pushed herself upright, rubbing her eyes before nodding, “ Of course, officer.”

Jude couldn’t believe the cops were involved. One hour ago, she was walking home from university, now she is in a hospital feeling like she just got run over by a really large truck.

He raised an eyebrow, before continuing, “ My name is Captain Christopher Pike, of the USS Enterprise, we found you by the asteroid just on the borders of the Beta Quadrant, to be precise, we found you inside a wormhole. Can you explain to us how you got into this dangerous situation?”

Jude froze, looking up at the man. She didn’t bother hiding her surprise at the sight of his uniform. It was, _colorful_ , she decided, after struggling to find the right words when she sees a cop dressed in bright, yellow uniform. It looked like he was dressed for a musical performance and the badge, it was very minimalist and also very foreign. She’s never seen anything like it. She swallowed, _was this the FBI?_

“ Ma’am?”

Jude was snapped back into reality. He didn’t seem so amused with her eying him up and down with a dumbfounded expression.

“ Vital signs show normal brain activity, captain, “ The doctor confirmed from behind her and Jude stiffened.

“ I’m alright but I’m sorry office- Captain Pike, I don’t think I understand a thing you’re saying.”

Captain Pike stepped back, eyebrows raising to his hairline as he turned to the two people standing behind him. The woman, Jude noticed, was eying her with one eyebrow raised. She took over, holding out a – _what the hell_ is she holding out?

“ This screen shows you exiting the wormhole, which is scientifically impossible, considering that you are breaking the very basic laws of physics. Moreover, it is a miracle, that you’re still alive. Your heart stopped for three minutes when we boarded the ship, it took a while for us to get you into a stable condition.”

The terrifying thought sank on Jude and her hand absentmindedly fell across her chest, her heart had stopped. She was _dead_ for three minutes. They must’ve used a defibrillator on her and if Grey’s Anatomy was any true, they must’ve cut her shirt open, that would explain why she’s in a medical gown. Which, would have been fine, if a handsome captain wasn’t staring down at her right now, along with several other people. She cleared her thoughts, her hands tugging down at the hem of her dress. ‘ _Focus_ ,’ she told herself.

He mentioned something about a wormhole, what was that about?

“ I’m sorry, wormhole? What wormhole ?” She asked, “ And ship, you’re telling me-“ she gave the room an apprehensive gaze, followed by disbelieving laughter “ We’re inside a boat ?”

At that last statement, the captain and the woman seemed to shoot her incredulous looks, as if she had just sprouted a second head. Jude shrink under their gazes, wincing at the thought of saying something wrong, but that was the truth, she had nothing to do with wormholes or boats. She tried to look at anywhere but the pair and that’s when her eyes fell on the window across her. Her breath hitched. She raised a shaky finger at the window, panic seeping into her voice once she saw the view.

“A-are we in space? Is this some kind of trick ?”

Everyone around her turned to look at the window.

“ No, it’s not a trick, we are in space. We found you in space,” Captain Pike answered.

Jude let out a dry laugh that made the woman beside him shoot her a dirty look.

“ But that’s impossible.”

“ Why is that?” She challenged, narrowing her eyes.

“ Because only in October did NASA welcomed their all-women team home and a few years ago, barely a decade ago, a rocket launch failed and killed thirty people. The point is, we’ve barely sent one man to mars on a functional rocket. What more –“ Jude gestured to the room around her, “ This ?”

Pike stepped back, his brain turning as he eyed Jude in a way that made her feel like a criminal.

“ I’m sorry, but you don’t have to lie to me. If this is some kind of university joke I-“

“ NASA,” Captain Pike muttered, “ Computer, run that name.”

“ _The National Aeronautics and Space Administration is an independent agency of the United States Federal Government responsible for the civilian space program, as well as aeronautics and aerospace research. NASA was established in 1958 and discontinued in 2026, shortly before World War III commenced_.”

Jude jumped at the sudden voice, eyes wildly searching for the source, it came from all sides of the room.

“ World War III ?” Jude’s heart rate began to pick up, “ 2026? What’s going on, you’re-you’re scaring me. Who are you, people? What am I doing here?”

“ Tell us your name and the date today,” Pike ordered.

Jude scrambled to find her voice, “ My name is Judith Tudor, but everyone calls me Jude. The date today is December 20, 2020.”

At that the room fell into heavy silence, those in the area who have overheard their conversation turned to look at her. Jude gripped the edge of the bed, feeling self-conscious at all the sudden attention. She could feel herself starting to get angry, she didn’t ask for any of this.

“ Why is everyone looking at me funny, I’m not lying. If I’ve only been out for a while, it means its still Friday, so it’s still December 20, 2020. Please just tell me what’s going on.”

She placed her feet on the floor, wobbling slightly as she rocked on her heels, exercising her muscles. They feel sore as if she had run a marathon. She turned to the doctor, “ Thanks doc.”

“ Computer,” She replied, “ Run diagnostics on brain function and scan for unicellular lifeforms.”

“ _Brain function normal, no abnormalities recorded_.”

“ Okay, now that’s just rude,” Jude crossed her arms, “ You could have asked me directly. I’m fine, I feel fine.”

“ _Unicellular lifeforms detected. Orthomyxoviridae_.”

Jude looked up to the ceiling, “ What's that? Is that some kind of worm, oh no, do I have a worm inside me? Is it deadly ?”

“ No,” The doctor placed her hand on her shoulder, sitting her down on the bed, “ It’s a virus, one that we eradicated over two hundred years ago.”

“ Is it the black plague ?” Jude placed her hand over her mouth, “ I caught the plague didn’t I ?”

“ No, I believe, in your time, it was called flu.”

Jude deflated with relief, “ Oh, I had flu last week, but what do you mean it hasn’t existed for over two hundred years? Everyone gets it from time to time and did you, did you just say ‘in my time ?’”

The doctor ignored her, looking directly at Captain Pike, “ Science doesn’t lie. We haven’t seen this kind of virus in hundreds of years, the computer only recognizes it because it has access to the federation’s medical history record. This disease dates back to over two hundred years ago, even if it was a new strain, the computer would’ve caught on. This is the original strain.”

Jude wanted to protest some more, but then, the man who had been watching by the sidelines stood beside the captain. Jude didn’t even notice he was there, he had been silent the entire time, observing the whole thing with a blank face. Now that he’s in front of her, Jude curiously eyed his haircut and pointed ears.

“ It would explain what she was doing inside the wormhole. Captain, when I was in the asteroid, she wasn’t outside the wormhole, she was in it. A force was propelling her out from the other side. From evidence dr.Ito have provided us, it would be logical to conclude that her presence here is a byproduct of transtemporal travel.”

Jude was stunned at how flat his voice was, despite his explanation, he doesn’t seem the least bit perturbed. She couldn’t even tell what he was feeling. His gaze flickered on hers and Jude looked away, having been caught staring, her cheeks begin to warm.

“ W-what does he mean by that? Asteroid, wormhole, transtemporal travel? What’s that about ?”

“ Asteroids are defined as minor planets, a wormhole is a speculative structure linking disparate points in spacetime and transtemporal travel is often referred to as time travel.”

His reply was just as monotonous as his previous one, he didn’t break eye contact with her as he said it and Jude didn’t know if he was using all the complicated terms to make her feel insecure or if he was doing it because it was his way of saying things. Either way, it didn’t make her feel better about the whole situation.

“ Time travel ?”

“ Welcome to the 23rd Century, Judith Tudor,” Captain Pike announced, in a way that makes it seem as if he didn’t want her here. Jude frowned as she touched her necklace, only to find that the crystal had been cut in half. Norwegian Wood could be heard in the background and her frowned deepened when Lennon's verse came. Until her eyes caught on to the Captain's obnoxiously bright uniform and that's when the Beatles started to play "Yellow Submarine." 

Which honestly, didn't make things better for someone who was stuck in the twenty-third century.


	2. when I awoke I was alone, this bird had flown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dark blanket, contrasting with blacks and yellows, and the occasional white, covered the entire screen. They were hovering above a distant planet that gleamed blue against the void, the hollow space sending a stuttering breath through her. There are stars that dot the blanket in an intricate pattern, others scattered like grains of sand. Her feet could no longer take her any further; and so, she stopped inches away from the window. She raised a shaky hand above her head, lightly tapping at the glass surface, that stung cold against her fingertips. This is space.
> 
> She was in space.

* * *

_2254, Federation Space_

If someone told Jude that American children had an unhealthy obsession with reality television shows she would have told them it was an exaggerated lie from the lips of a foreigner who had never set foot on American soil, that is if that didn’t describe a portion of her childhood.

When Jude was six, her first foster parents were reluctant to take her in. They’ve never really neglected her enough for the system to put her in another family, but they’ve never really paid enough attention to her that she couldn’t get away with staying up past midnight. It was a silent mutual agreement between them, if you don’t bother me, I won’t bother you. For a brief moment, Jude was satisfied with the way things were. They would fall into an unspoken routine; Jude would go to school in the mornings and they won’t be home until evening, once Mr.Ross passes out on the couch, she and Mrs.Ross can watch television while she complains to the phone about her marriage.

Jude never really understood the point of _the Real Housewives of Orange County_ , but her six-year-old self must’ve been so deprived of entertainment that she took what she can get, and lo and behold, Jude spent months wishing nothing more than to be part of a reality tv show. No one ever granted her wish, but if anyone wanted to, Jude couldn’t think of a more appropriate time.

It would be nice if renowned television host, _John Quiñones_ , would suddenly pull back a curtain to reveal himself along with a camera crew. If anything, she would be relieved to hear his monologue, “ A man just told you that you have time-traveled into the future, this is John Quinones with what would you do.”

But she knew he wasn’t coming because Captain Pike was looking at her with the pitiful. She was grateful that he didn’t press on her silence, opting to give her space as she stared at her hands. He moved away to talk with the three other people in the room, their voices droning out of her ears as she tries to find any clue that might prove that this is all a fevered dream. Yet, the more she tries to justify this as a joke, the more it seemed real to her. More people were coming in and out wearing similar uniforms, their hands tapping away on what she overheard as a PADD. She narrowed her eyes at the thin devices, watching as the words glide over them until the owner caught her red-handed and Jude have no choice but to pretend like she was looking at the ceiling.

Occasionally they would give her a few looks. Jude was starting to run out of patience. She was also starting to get scared.

Jude stared at the door, watching it automatically open every once in a while. The group of four was standing to her left, clearing a path for her to the entrance. She wasn’t inclined to the idea of being shot in the head before she even makes it halfway through the doors. What would she even find out there, what if it was a trap? What if it would make things even worse than they already are. Her stomach churned and she thought about what Ringo Starr would do.

Ringo Starr would make a run for it.

So when a man in a red uniform came looking for dr. Ito, Jude pushed herself off the bed and ran. People were calling out after her but she was already past the doors and into a hallway. She took a left, down the rows of fluorescent lights. The metal was cold against her feet and Jude almost missed a turn, nearly crashing into a wall. People were walking from all sides and she had lost count on how many people she had bumped into, their protests fading away behind her. Frantically looking for an exit sign, Jude wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going. That’s when she collided with someone, hard. She stumbled back, her head knocking on the surface of the metal floor, jaws clacking together. Whoever was on the other side of the collision didn’t seem to feel the same way, still on their feet, watching her curiously with –

Jude didn’t want to scream, but she couldn’t help but let out a surprised gasp.

His face was blue, with antennas sticking out against his forehead. He seemed apologetic, kneeling to her level to lend a hand – which was also _blue_. In this position, she could see that his hair was bleached white from its roots.

“ Are you alright ?” He frowned, hovering a hand above her shoulder. Footfalls began to follow her from behind and she shot up to her feet, ignoring the strange man and dashing forward - only to find a lift that has no buttons.

“ Stop !”

Pike reached the end of the hallway, followed by a team of people that were hesitant to reach for the weapons holstered by the side of her hips. She backed herself against the closed doors, “ Who are you people? Don’t come any closer until you tell me why I’m here!”

“ Your fear is an understandable reaction.”

Jude could only stare as the man with a bowl cut carefully approached her, his expression unreadable and suddenly she felt trapped, with nowhere to go but forward.

“ You seek answers, we can give it to you. However, you must refrain from making any further impulsive decisions.”

“ Impulsive ?” Jude snorted, “ I was scared! ”

“ To clarify, you were not drawn into a black hole, you emerged from a wormhole. And as I have said, your fear is an understandable reaction.” He took another step forward and everyone seemed to hold their breath. “However, your decision was poorly calculated, it was reckless for you to think that you can attempt an escape when you have insufficient knowledge of your location. Moreover, your refusal to believe the Captain’s words is unwise, as visual and auditory evidence clearly states that your situation is not fabricated. The most logical course of action is to allow us to explain what we know of your existence here – “

“ He means stop running and let us explain,” Pike cleared his throat.

“ How do I know you won’t hurt me?”

“ We won’t. If we wanted to hurt you we would’ve done it sooner, don’t you think ?” The woman spoke up and it took everything in Jude’s willpower to slouch in defeat. Running a hand through her hair she nodded, breaking the tension that’s been holding them prisoner. “ Okay. Explain.”

* * *

When Pike told her it was better to show than tell, she didn’t have the faintest idea on what to expect. He and his group lead her into the turbo lift, to which she found out responds to the _computer_. They knew where the hallways would take her and have sealed it off the moment, she disappeared down the hall. She stared at the small space, marveling at how fast, how smoothly, they were going. She placed her palm flat against the wall, feeling the machine thrum softly under it. She could Pike watching her from the corner of his eyes, studying her in a way that made her think that the amusement was mutual. His lieutenant commander, who he had referred to as Number One, would wander her eyes at Jude every now and then, analyzing her in a way that makes a very brief ride, very long. Jude was aware they were watching her every movement, one of them in particular, wasn’t exactly subtle about it. Spock, or as Pike calls him, _lieutenant_ Spock, stared at the back of her head. She craned her neck to catch a glimpse of him, expecting him to avert his gaze – yet he only held her in place, a myriad of questions filling up the space between them.

The moment came to an abrupt stop when the doors hissed open. Pike stepped aside, urging Jude to exit first. She hesitantly took a step, acutely aware of how everyone seemed to stop what they were doing to stare, and Jude couldn’t help but return the gesture. She couldn’t miss the rows of chairs and devices scattered around the hull, seemingly decorated with busy screens. It was like something out of a movie, she could name a few, _Star Wars, Back to the Future, Men in Black_ , any _Spielberg_ film. Yet, something else caught her attention, and she’s barely halfway across the room when her mouth parted, letting out a shaky sigh –

It was _beautiful_.

A dark blanket, contrasting with blacks and yellows, and the occasional white, covered the entire screen. They were hovering above a distant planet that gleamed blue against the void, the hollow space sending a stuttering breath through her. There are stars that dot the blanket in an intricate pattern, others scattered like grains of sand. Her feet could no longer take her any further; and so, she stopped inches away from the window. She raised a shaky hand above her head, lightly tapping at the glass surface, that stung cold against her fingertips. This is space.

She was in space.

Wait. This is only possible if she was really in -

“ I understand you’re confused,” Pike cleared his throat. The room was heavy with silence. Her lack of response under the scrutiny of the crew worried Pike - he seemed to struggle between approaching her and giving her space.

“ If you have questions and I know you do, I suggest you ask them now and we will try our best to answer them. One at a time.”

Number One caught Spock’s gaze, her usual impassivity was beginning to crumble as she eyed the woman before them. Finally, pulling away from the window, Jude shifted in place, looking down at her bare feet.

She sucked in a breath and looked at Pike directly in his eyes, “Do people still listen to the Beatles?”

Pike made a strangled noise, curiously looking at Number One. Out of all the questions she had wanted to ask, everything ranging from how and why had died down under a question she felt was easiest to ask. A question that would keep her legs from giving in under her, she needed something to humor her, something to lighten a situation that was far from easy.

“ The Beatles ?”

Jude’s mouth curled downwards. “ John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr. The Beatles.”

“ I know who the Beatles are,” Pike nodded, a little smile across his lips, “ I know a good deal of people who listen to them. The last time I checked, one of their songs is considered a ballad from Earth's classical era.”

“ Classical Era,” Jude smiled, “ That’s too far back isn’t it?”

“ Not if you’re in the 23rd century.” Number One’s reminder was gently delivered, but it felt like a bucket of cold water and Jude could only choked out an embarrassed ‘ _right_.’ She could feel the absurdity of time travel melting around her, slowly revealing that this is real. The terrifying weight began to settle in the pit of her stomach.

There’s no denying it now.

* * *

_2014, Earth_

“ Hey !”

Steve Norrington, Jude decided, looked even stupider with that scowl on his face. Jude never really talked to him, albeit necessary. It was one thing tolerating his egoistical persona in English class, and another having to watch him pick fights with random people online. Jude doesn’t even know why people still tolerate him ever since he tried to play the devil’s advocate for Nazi Germany in History class, she knew he was just baiting people to challenge him so it’ll inflate his ego and make him feel like an intellectual – which is exactly what he’s doing right now.

“ You got a problem, _Judith_ ?”

“ It’s Jude. Stop bothering her.” Jude gestured to the girl currently backed into a corner, she was looking past his shoulders at Jude. “ If you can’t tell Norrington, she’s not interested in you.”

“ Oh fuck off,” He scoffed, tucking his hands into his jeans in a poor attempt to puff out his chest. Jude didn’t even bother hiding her laughter, tossing her bicycle aside. Now that they’re face to face, Jude had to recoil at just how bad his breath smells, must be the months of canal decay from six servings of soda each day.

“ Fine.” Jude sidestepped over him, placing her hand over the girl’s and pulling her away. She didn’t seem to understand what was going on, except it was clear that she didn’t want to stay here any longer.

“ Whatever.” He shrugged, knowing that they both weren’t worth the trouble. He’s been to the principal's office twice this week, he wouldn’t want to add salt over his very long detention records, “This isn’t over Judith.”

Jude rolled her eyes, letting him get away with bumping past her shoulder. As she watched him slink off out of the alley, Jude almost forgot the person behind her.

“ Thank you.”

She would’ve missed the soft voice if it wasn’t for the tug on her arm. Jude gave a half-smile, “ Steve’s a jerk. Has absolutely no respect for girls, or human decency. He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

She shook her head mutely. Jude cocked her head to the side,“ You’re the girl from Sweden, the transfer student. Gwen ?”

Gwen seemed surprised that Jude recognized her. It’s kind of hard to miss. It’s been a week since she’s gotten here, she was always bound to attract people’s attention. Everyone’s been following her around like she’s some kind of new game to keep them entertained, instead of an actual person, which to Jude was pretty pathetic. Jude didn’t want to say it, but she knew they only keep Gwen around because they liked the unintentional attention she gives them. Always asking what things were, which is harmless. Until it wasn’t.

Jude heard from the people in her music class that she didn’t know what a car was, which was weird because the last time Jude checked, Sweden had cars. The same goes for guitars, skateboards, and plastic chairs. Jude didn’t say anything on the matter, not wanting to get into any arguments, but she had to admit – it was pretty _weird_. It probably annoyed a lot of people too. Which is maybe why now she’s alone. It was cruel, now that Jude thought about it.

“ I am she,” Gwen nodded.

The silence that came afterward was a signal that it was time to end the conversation, that it was time for Jude to leave. Yet, there was something about Gwen that made her hesitate. Jude reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder, “ Are you in a rush to go home ?”

“ Oh,” She looked at the hand resting on her shoulder and the corners of her lips twitched as if she’s trying to decide on her offer, “ No, I’m not.”

“ Cause I heard there’s this new ice cream store down the block.” Jude walked back to the street to bring her bicycle around, a silver car zipping past her. She was glad she repaired the extra seat, even if she knew no one would ride with her. It had been easier to carry her guitar with it.

“ We can take a quick ride there, what do you say ?”

She gave Jude a curious look.

“You wish to be friends with me?”

Jude couldn’t blame her, she had the right to be suspicious of everything after what just happened. “Yeah, I guess I do.” She waited patiently, returning Gwen’s stare in the gentlest way she could. The sun was still high above them and although she could feel the March breeze across her face, the heat was still clinging onto her skin. Jude squinted at the sun, sweat dripping down her brow.

“Your name is Judith ?”

Jude laughed, swinging a leg over her bicycle,“ Call me Jude.”

* * *

Jude knew staring was rude, the sight wasn't knew, she saw her in the sickbay.Yet her eyes can’t help but roam over the ridges above her forehead and –

“ It’s rude to stare.”

Her bluntness made Jude tear her eyes away and if she wasn’t nervous then, she was now. Jude made sure to choose her next steps carefully and that begins with whether or not she should stand by the doorway or enter the room. Jude rocked on her heels, choosing to look past her eyes. “Sorry, I’m- I’m not from here.”

She narrowed her eyes and Jude bristled. “ Still shouldn’t have stared though, sorry.”

The longer the silence stretched the more she wondered why Number one thought it’d be a good idea to leave her here all alone. Jude rubbed the corners of her eye with the heel of her thumb. Back in the bridge, when her little joke had died down under the reminder that she was two hundred years away from home, Jude felt a timer go off inside of her.

As Pike took her to a holo-screen to walk her through whatever information he could give her, Jude had been responsive enough to let him send her away without questioning her mental state. She went back to the sickbay to get her clothes – where she found out they did cut her _Abbey Road_ t-shirt. Dr.Ito gave her a black shirt and a sorry smile as a replacement. At first, the quick pat-down over her jacket made her sigh in relief, as she feels the familiar outlines of her headsets, _Samsung_ and charger.

That’s when the heaviest realization decided to pounce itself on her, making her double back against the bio-bed; because what does it matter when no one probably uses them anymore, what does it matter when all the people in her Instagram, in her university pictures, in her hometown are _dead_.

Jude hid her first drop of tear from dr. Ito when she returned her pair of worn-out sneakers. Captain Pike knew she needed to stay aboard their ship – the USS-Discovery, before making any other call. It is against regulations to keep a civilian on the ship for a prolonged period of time, but Starfleet – Jude found out, isn’t so different from other organizations, some things didn’t change, and there were always loopholes.

“ It’s best if you stay here with us for several days until we know how you end up in that wormhole,” Pike explained. “ And how you survived. You must understand Jude ( she had insisted he called her Jude even after learning her full name, she didn’t need propriety from a group of people who have seen her run around in a hospital gown) that no one has ever been in a wormhole without the proper equipment and came out alive.”

“ You’re saying I got lucky.”

“ No, I’m saying you’re not here by accident.” The turbo lift parted before them and Jude was left to process his words.

“ But I thought,” Jude looked at Spock, “ I thought you said I was here because of an accident.”

“ It would be most logical to conclude that you entered the wormhole by accident.” He explained, “ The incident that took place a hundred and twenty-five days ago may lead to certain unforeseen yet possible consequences, such as the appearance of disparate points across time. One must have opened in your timeline and connected itself to ours. The gravitational magnitude would have pulled you in, assuming that you were in close proximity to it. Although, I have yet to found an explanation of why it would appear within a planet.”

“ That’s some theory, Spock,” Pike rubbed his chin, “ I’m not saying mine doesn’t have gaps in it, but a wormhole in Earth would- well, it would eat the planet from the inside. What if someone brought her to the wormhole instead?”

“ You’re saying someone kidnapped me from the sidewalk in two-thousand-twenty and dropped me into a wormhole, how would that even work ?” Jude shuddered.

“ It’s just a hunch, although a hunch is not a logical way of putting things into perspective, it's better than nothing. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

“ I’ve informed Starfleet of our situation.” Number One passed on her PADD to Pike, who scrolled through it with a reluctant look. “Although neither of us wants to inform Starfleet, Lieutenant Spock is right. It’s better than them finding out themselves, word spreads quickly. We wouldn’t want to section 31 involved, _again_.”

“ This means we have to work fast, Starfleet would want you on Earth.”

Jude stared at the doors, hardly paying attention to what they were saying next, which is strange, considering that she doesn’t like being kept in the dark. But everything seemed to blur around her, merging into something too heavy for her brain to comprehend all at once. So, she stayed silent, hoping that they won’t sense her turmoil because it seems like not even they had the slightest clue of what’s going on.

“ In the meantime, you’ll be staying with us. You’ll be sharing quarters with Ensign Hara.”

Number One didn’t ask her on whether she’s alright with sharing a room, but apparently, Jude was in no position to complain. She had a feeling it’s to keep an eye on her, rather than moral support. If anything, Jude wanted to be alone because she doesn’t know how much longer she can keep herself from crying – and she wasn’t in the mood to have a breakdown in front of a complete stranger.

It seemed like she wasn’t in a position to complain about that too, as a tear slid down her cheeks, and then another – until she was crying without a sound. She glared at the floor, not wanting to face Hara. There was a beat of silence, and another – Jude wished the floor would open up into a wormhole to eat her whole because it would be better than hearing her roommate –

“ You may enter.”

Her voice was stern, commanding, yet it carried a gentle tone that made Jude lift her head onto her weary shoulders. She moved to her side of the bed, giving her way to cross the room. Jude wanted to apologize, but it seems like there was no need to. Hara went over to a little box by the corner of the room and came back with a glass of water, placing it on her bedside with a clink. It was an unspoken “rest first, talk later.”

Jude’s throat felt tight like it was constricting on itself, so she can only choke out a pathetic thank you. She took the glass in both hands and took small sips, before unlacing her shoes and placing them under the bed – a gesture Hara seemed to approve on based on the small smile on her lips, before tucking herself in. Jude pulled out her phone and earbuds, not bothering to untangle the wires completely before plugging it in her ears.

Sleep carried Jude away even before McCartney could finish his verse for _Eleanor Rigby_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I hope you enjoyed this chapter ! I saw your kudos this morning when I woke up and I'm very excited to see that you like the first chapter. Feedback and comment is much appreciated and I take constructive criticism, I'd like to learn how to write better as English isn't my native language.  
> Thank you and have a nice day guys <3  
> Also, just to let you know ,I made a few changes in the first chapter, but nothing too big that you'll have to read it again. :)


	3. but now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She picked her nails, another habit associated with her indecisiveness. After 11.5 standard minutes he decided to interfere, perhaps she was having trouble with the machine. On her third day aboard, he had seen her talking to the replicator, conversing to it as if it was programmed to reply. It would seem she had confused its function with the computer. Number One had found it amusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! So Jude and Spock has a little misunderstanding in their first, proper, encounter. I apologize if this one is short, but review and feedback is appreciated :)

_2254, Federation Space_

Spock is unsure of the appropriate daily intake of avocado an average human should consume. The average avocado contains 322 calories and 29 grams of fat, therefore half an avocado has 161 calories and 14.5 grams of fat. Consuming more than one to one half a day is unhealthy and potentially dangerous. Yet Spock noticed that the green beverage is never absent from her grip whenever they would pass one another, and he approximated that they meet each other around 7.543 times within every twenty-four hours. Jude has been aboard the discovery for 160 hours and 35 minutes. It would be safe to conclude from his data that she consumes around five glasses of avocado juice a day, which was concerning.

She is holding what he predicts as her fourth glass today, empty, yet he doubts for long. She was standing before the replicator, her feet tapping against the floor. He observed that this habit of hers would appear whenever she was faced with a difficult decision, she couldn't think of why choosing a meal would cause such anxiety.

She picked her nails, another habit associated with her indecisiveness, he noted. After 11.5 standard minutes he decided to interfere, perhaps she was having trouble with the machine. On her third day aboard, he had seen her talking to the machine, conversing to it as if it was programmed to reply. It would seem she had confused its function with the computer. Number One had found it amusing.

It would be unwise to leave her stalling, others would want to make use of the replicator.

" Do you require assistance ?"

She lightly jumped, " Oh, lieutenant Spock. Hi."

He nodded in return.

This would be their second time conversing, or first, if you would exclude their initial exchange in the hallway, Spock agreed that the situation had not been ideal enough for it to be called a conversation. She was scared, confused and highly distressed.

Now, she seemed mildly apprehensive. Understandable, given her current situation. Albeit, three days to recover from a traumatic experience was less the time he had anticipated for her.

" Are you having difficulty with the food replicator?"

" No. It's just, I'm debating."

Spock raised an eyebrow." A food replicator is not programmed to formally hold a discussion with you."

Jude gave him a look, one he supposed was of amusement." I'm not debating with the food replicator, I'm debating with myself."

" On what matter would that be?"

" Food. I-I'm not sure if I should get another glass of avocado juice."

She clipped her lips together, staring warily at the machine.

Spock doesn’t understand the purpose of troubling oneself with matters on what to consume. It is acceptable for one to prefer a more palatable option, yet to put a great amount of thought on the matter to the point of indecisiveness is illogical.

"Will you permit me a query?"

Jude stammered. He had clearly interrupted her thoughts. “ Sure.”

“ I do not understand your indecisiveness. It is illogical to overanalyze an insignificant decision; would it not be enough for you to choose based on your current dietary requirements?”

She wrinkled her nose, scowling. Spock sensed he had said something wrong, but he could not identify which part of his phrasing had caused her distress. He was sure his intent to warn her of the dangers was explicit, but Jude only placed the cup under the replicator and the glass was full once more.

" I think I have my answer." She said dryly, " Thanks, Lieutenant Spock."

" You are welcome."

That only seemed to bait her irritation even further and she turned to her heels, tipping the glass up to her lips.

He is confused.

* * *

" Jude," Hara sighed, " He wasn't being rude."

" Calling me pointless wasn’t being rude?" Jude shook her head, tipping her glass to her lips in a way that made her roommate scowl.

Hara pulled out a chair, leaning back on it with her arms crossed. " How far are you in learning about the federation species ?"

Jude placed a light tap on the screen of Hara’s PADD, scrolling down, “ I just finished reading up on Barzans and I’m about to start with Tellarites.”

“ It is appreciated that you decided to start with my people, however, I think you should read on Vulcans first. Vulcans are straightforward. They don’t understand half the things humans do because it goes against their very basic principles, they don’t base their actions on their emotions, they base it purely on logic. In the eyes of a Vulcan, taking nearly half an hour to decide on a menu or hoarding comfort food is illogical. You must understand this difference between you. He is not human, don't expect him to act like one."

Jude thought over her words. To live your life segregated from your emotions and to make decisions purely on rational decisions. Her brain couldn’t fully wrap itself around the concept, yet the message was there – and she began to pick apart their earlier conversation.

Jude pressed both palms against her head, “ He was just asking a question.”

Hara nodded, marching towards her and plucking the glass of avocado when Jude reached for it, “He either assumed you didn’t know the dangers of drinking too much avocado or curious on why you tolerate this human beverage so much. One glass is enough to make an Andorian vomit, you drank seven today."

Jude made a sheepish face, wanting to deny the fact. But it was true, Jude was stressed. She feels like she’s going to fall apart any moment, the thought of never going back home – from this perspective, her home is long gone, swept under the sand of time. Nothing more than rubble under the soil.

" I should have known better. I-I need to talk to him and sort this out. I must seem so ignorant, he was just trying to help."

" It is noble that you understand your mistake. Let us eat dinner and perhaps afterward you can make amends with him."

Jude couldn't help but smile at her roommate. Hara was a Barzan and they come from a planet called Barzan II. Hara spoke of her home-world highly and it was the reason why she reluctantly opened up to Jude in the first place because she was the first human to not fall asleep by the end of her speech.

She was warned that Barzans were known to be stern and confrontational, rarely holding back when it comes to speaking their mind. Her nature to keep to herself would explain her initial dislike of a roommate, yet Jude always prided herself in her ability to make friends. Actually, she wouldn't go as far as to call them friends, but there was progress, and eating dinner together under the span of seven days was impressive.

Jude prepped their meal above the miniature table, her mind drifting guiltily to the Enterprise's science officer.

* * *

_2014_ , _Earth_

" Why did you take me to eat ice cream?"

Jude licked the strawberry that dripped onto her fingers, wiping her lips with the back of her hand, " What do you mean?"

" Out of all the meals, why ice cream? If your purpose is to take me to a place that had just started their business, you could have taken me to the store across the street."

A car passed by them, sending past a gust of wind.

" It's a hot day, ice cream sounds better than kebab. Also, ice cream has a way of making people feel better."

Gwen lifted her cone to her eyes, " It does?"

" Ice cream is sweet, cold and easy to finish. I've never met anyone who didn't like ice cream, especially when I'm paying for it."

Gwen laughed, licking her own chocolate scoop, " I suppose you're right."

" It's also a form of comfort food."

" Comfort food?"

Jude crumpled the paper wrapper and tossed it to the bin, leaning back against the wall, " You know that feeling when you're stressed and all you can think of is eating? The food you choose to eat to make yourself feel better is your comfort food."

Gwen's eyes went wide, " I have never thought about it that way. Yet, I have had my own experience of eating when in distress."

" It's normal, everyone has a comfort food. What's yours?"

" I suppose there is no name for it in your language, " Gwen shrugged.

" C'mon, Swedish can't be that hard to pronounce."

Gwen said a word, yet it sounded like a jumble of syllables in her ears, and Jude waved a hand, "Nevermind."

" It does, however, resemble the texture and taste of ice cream."

Jude nodded, satisfied with her choice. The sun was setting, yet it didn't do much to ease the sweat rolling down her neck. Gwen didn't even look bothered by the heat. The little town of Linschen Springs, Oregon was falling asleep, lulled by the gentle noise of the crickets and the wind chimes.

" What is your comfort food?"

A gust of wind flew past them, swiping the strands of her hair against her lips.

* * *

Spock didn’t expect Jude to stand in front of his quarters. She held a bowl in her hands, feet tapping against the floor in a sporadic motion.

“ Lieutenant Spock.”

“Jude. What is your purpose here?”

Jude flinched before steeling herself, he could detect an increase in her heart-beat. “ I came to say sorry, about how I acted before. There was a miscommunication, I took your warning as an insult.”

“I see, I am relieved to see that you understood it was not in my intention to insult you. However, there is no need for an apology.”

“We got off on the wrong foot,” Jude shrugged, “Cultural differences. I was being ignorant. I wanted to apologize nonetheless, it was rude of me to assume. To make amends, I brought ice cream.”

“ Got off on the wrong foot?”

He was not aware of this phrase. He was aware of the figure of speeches used by humans to converse with one another, yet he never understood their fondness of it. His mother, was an example. She would converse with his father in such manner, despite knowing it confuses him. He find this trait of hers fascinating, if not strange.

“ It means we misunderstood one another and had a bad start,” She explained and Spock nodded.

“Your desire to verbally apologize is understandable and I accept. However, I do not see the purpose of giving me dessert. Your verbal apology is adequate.”

Jude laughed, the sound making him raise an eyebrow. She glanced at his hand and seemed uncertain of how to respond, which gave Spock a few moments to study the woman. She was different than most human females he'd encountered but wholly unremarkable.

She was short, slender, and possessing large, dark eyes that greeted him timidly. A black long-sleeved shirt hugged her body, accompanied by grey pants. Her brown hair was held in a simple braid, and it stopped at the curve of her collarbone.

“ You asked me a question, earlier.” Her feet resumed their tapping,“ You don’t find the logic in my indecisiveness.”

“ You are correct.”

“ I brought ice cream to help explain the meaning of comfort food.” She raised the bowl up to him and he peered inside. The vanilla flavored dish was starting to melt.

“ I assume from the name that is a form of beverage or meal you consume in order to comfort yourself.”

Jude smiled, this time showing her teeth, “ You’re right. Avocado is my comfort food. I eat it when I feel stressed and sometimes I don’t know when to stop.”

“ Fascinating, “ Spock hummed, “ Before you misunderstood my query, I was going to warn you of the consequences one may obtain from excessively consuming avocado. The average avocado contains 322 calories and 29 grams of fat, therefore half an avocado has 161 calories and 14.5 grams of fat. Consuming more than one to one half a day is not only unhealthy but dangerous. You drank seven glasses. It is also evident that you are preventing others from using the food replicator, that would be inconvenient.”

Jude shrugged, seemingly abashed by his statement. He does not understand her embarrassment, he was not reprimanding her.

“ You’re right, it would be inconvenient and I drank seven glasses. Wait- how did you know I drank seven today?”

“ I merely calculated. On average, we meet each other around 7.543 times within every twenty-four hours. You have been aboard the discovery for 160 hours and 35 minutes. It would be safe to conclude from his data that you consume around five glasses of avocado juice a day, yet judging by the speed you consumed a single beverage to the frequency of your consumption within the past twenty hours, you drank seven glasses of avocado.”

Jude didn’t respond, staring at him openly.

“ Have I offend-“

“ No, Lieutenant,” She beamed, “ That was amazing.”

“ That was not remarkable, I only required basic mathematical calculations to obtain the information.”

Jude waved a hand up at him, shaking her head, “ Here. Have the ice cream. I didn’t know which flavor you liked, so I chose vanilla. Do you like the flavor? If not, I can get a new one for you.”

“ That would not be necessary. I have eaten ice cream previously and I am aware of this flavor,” Spock thought back on his earlier visits to San Fransico, his mother had insisted that he indulge in the vendors by the beaches, offering him her favorite savor, “I find it palatable.”

“ That’s good to hear.” She passed the bowl to him and he accepted it, their fingers lightly grazing. He stilled, looking down at her hands. They were slender and neatly trimmed on the nails, she wrung them together.

“ Is something wrong, Spock?”

“ Nothing is amiss, Jude. Thank you for answering my query and the ice cream.”

“ You’re welcome, Lieutenant.”

She turned to leave, her footsteps disappearing around the corner of the hallway. He watched the ice cream in his arms, slowly diluting under the room temperature. That’s when the ship abruptly rocked sideways.


	4. you know I know when it's a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The array of lights danced across the shadow of space, the colors slowly fading into one another. They were swaying, changing and illuminating. The plethora of colors – red, orange, green, shimmered and stretched, growing and receding, striving and shrinking. One moment the light blurred into a singular color, a path that stretched out into the dark, the next moment it was a collection of many, a sphere that encircled the ship, rocking it to the side.
> 
> “ Jude.”
> 
> Pike’s voice anchored her back into the present. People in the nearest station were watching her, hands hovering unsure above their controls – eyes darting back and forth to their screens to space before them.
> 
> “ You don’t see them? The colors, there are colors outside."

_2254, Federation Space_

On her second night, Jude laid awake the entire night, staring at the ceiling as mild turbulence rocked the Enterprise. Hara had told her that the hulls are primarily constructed from duranium and tritanium, a curt way to tell her to stop worrying and go to sleep. Jude thought about how easier it would be if she wasn’t laying under a clear view of them navigating through cosmic debris. The excessive knowledge Hara had given her about the Federation did nothing to ease her worries, as she skimmed through the list of horrifying accidents and disastrous expeditions. Just because she survived being out in space once, doesn’t mean she’s eager to see if she could do it again.

“ Don’t worry,” Kib reassured. The chirpy Andorian engineer found her before she did, patting her shoulder in the hallway and casually stirring her away from an unwanted conversation with an overly curious ensign. For someone who comes from a long line of honorable warriors, Kib was unexpectedly open, curious and friendly. It was a refreshing change, considering that Hara was, unfortunately, terrible at small talk – Jude doesn’t take it against her though, Barzan’s are isolationists. If anything, Jude’s eagerness to make friends would only make her uncomfortable.

The pair exchanged apologies once more, looking back on the day they crashed into one another. Jude still had to check herself from staring at his antennae’s.

He patted the steel walls, “ They’re strong. They won’t break easily and we regularly check the hull density for any irregularities, if we do, it’s usually nothing we can’t fix.”

He smiled at her, exchanging a few words with her before parting ways.

The irony of passing one another again just as the ship decided to tilt to one side. The hull creaked as it lurched to the right, shoving her onto the floor. Out of sheer panic, her legs run towards Kib, who was on the other end of the hall – equally disheveled by the assault. The hull re-balanced itself, the walls trembling under her touch.

“ Kib !” She screamed, not bothering to hide her panic, “You say these things won’t happen !”

She crouched in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he sat upright. His eyes lingered on her hand, before he scrunched his brows together at the ceiling, “I never said that! I said it won’t break easily.”

The lights flickered, followed by the captain’s voice across the comms.

Jude lifted him off the ground. “What’s a red alert?”

“Go to your quarters,” He frowned.

Jude wanted to argue, but he nudged her away- “Go!” before jogging to meet up with several other ensigns rushing towards the turbo lift.

He left Jude in an empty hallway, the sound of their footsteps fading. She pressed a finger against her temple, wincing at the blood dripping onto her shirt. She knows she should go back to her quarters, she has no business being out here. As if on cue, Hara spotted her from one end of the hallway.

“ What are you doing here? Go back to our quarters!” Hara hissed, glancing at her wound.

“I will, but Hara -what’s going on?” The ship shook, nearly sending them toppling over. Hara clicked her teeth together, eyeing the hull. She had her hair up in a bun, strands falling chaotically all around her face.

“ Jude, go to our quarters,” She repeated firmly, eyes never leaving the creaking hull. Jude wanted to vomit, she didn’t even realize her leg was trembling until she began to walk away. A flash of color caught her peripheral vision. She looked out the window.

“Jude!” Hara huffed, stomping towards her.

The sight was enough to make her move closer, her fear temporarily forgotten as she watched the lights dance outside.

“I’m going, I’m going!” Jude stammered, “It’s just - what’s with all the colors?”

Jude traced the lines of green, purple and red. The gradients coupled with each other, circling the ship like a blanket. A familiar tune fills the air without effort, like the waves filling holes in the sand; the sound rushing in and around her.

Hara looked outside the window, face crumpling.“What colors?”

* * *

_2014,Earth_

The record was playing the last few verses of _Strawberry Field’s Forever_ , dragging the tune in a soft lull that put the store to sleep. The high noon glared at Jude through the slits of the drapes, skimming her neck as she marked another cross on the chart. Others might think the job isn’t worth the pay, but Jude would argue – she enjoyed the solitude. The fact that no one ever bothers to come in here makes her pay even less, but it was a side job anyways, something to fill up the empty spaces of her Saturday afternoon. Twenty dollars for four hours in a dingy record shop, stacking and organizing shelves of CDs nobody bothers to buy seemed like a waste of time.

Jude smiled at Gwen’s words and as if her thought had personified, the bell by the door rang, followed by footsteps she immediately recognized.

“ What can I help you with?” Jude grinned slyly, holding up a record casing up the light.

“ Nothing you can sell me,” Gwen sighed, “ You’re wasting your time. Mr.Abbas has an opening in his store, you’ll make more in an hour than you do here for four.”

Jude placed the CD by the counter, “ Yeah, but then my hair will stink of smoke and I already have my slot in the grocery to keep me going. So I’ll pass.”

Gwen circled the counter, dropping to sit next to Jude, purposely nudging her. Jude shoved back playfully, plucking more CDs off the shelves.

“ What are you doing ?” She picked one up, tracing her fingers over the sheet on Jude’s lap. Jude finished up marking a box, not missing the way the squeal of the marker made Gwen flinch.

“ You know how hard it is to sort out these albums? It’s a nightmare, if I sort them out alphabetically I can’t sort them out by singers. I’m not a record player- “

“ You’re not ?” Gwen teased.

“ No,” Jude grinned, “ Against the popular belief, I’m not. So when a customer comes in here and asks me to pick a song that would help her get over her cheating husband, I need to be quick in choosing. So I’m cataloging, you see-“

Jude picked up a CD from a neat stack, passing it over, “ After listening to this CD, I note down the colors I get from listening to this song. It relates to more than just the emotions, it’s about the overall feel of it. Take “ _Mama Mia_ ” by _ABBA_ , it’s not the song you’d first pick to listen to after a breakup, but it’s actually the song you need. Not to mention the lyrics are depressing, but you wouldn’t know that from the tune.”

Gwen examined the miniature numbers scribbled on the bottom right of the casing. “ Why numbers and why so many digits?”

“ Only because there are so many colors.” Jude chewed her bottom lip, wringing her hands together, “ You know I can see music right ?”

“ Your synesthesia ?”

Jude nodded, “ I told you I have chromesthesia, so I associate colors with sound – but when I was younger, I used to associate numbers with colors as well. I don’t do it as often today, but I still remember which numbers go with which colors. It’s different for everyone, but for me, three is aqua– or number one, that’s white.”

“ So you catalog each number found in the song in the form of coordinates ?”

“ You can say that,” Jude mused, “ It does guide me to find which song has more sad in it than happy, or just the right amount of both. Which is most often what people ask for."

Gwen nodded, “That’s- interesting.”

“ And here I thought my colorful adjectives were beginning to rub on you.”

Gwen shoved her to the side, making Jude erupt in gentle laughter. “ I never knew, that’s all.”

Something shifted in Jude’s expression as she absentmindedly removed the CD from its player, clicking it into the plastic casing – a worn-out cover of the Beatles faded on each corner.

“ Not a lot of people do.”

* * *

This wasn’t a good time for Jude to be hearing _Paul McCartney’s_ voice in her ear, yet no matter how many times she tried to ignore it, the singing was persistent to the point where it sounded like it was real. As if it was being played by a tape on the side of her ear, the lyrics vivid and the rhythm gaudy. Has she finally lost her mind?

They were bickering, pressing their faces against the window in a heated argument– in another situation, Jude would’ve found this amusing. She would never expect the Barzan to indulge in a squabble, much more give in to believe Jude. As reluctant as Hara seemed, she agreed that it was plausible for Jude to see colors they can’t.

“ It’s possible,” She agreed halfheartedly, “ There are ensigns on this ship who’s heritage allows them to see multiple colors invisible to the human and Barzan eye.”

“Then why are you still denying it?” Jude shot back.

“Because if you could see it, I should be able to as well.”

Jude stilled. It wasn’t because she didn’t have time to tell Hara or anyone about her synesthesia. She just didn’t find the point in telling them. How would she even pepper them into her conversations with Hara, which most of the time were already strained from the stark cultural differences? Besides, telling Hara now will only make it less believable than it already is.

She knew, deep down, even if the odds were all against her – that she wasn’t hearing things that weren’t there. A taut coil in her gut told her this wasn’t her synesthesia, this was something else.

“Hara – “

The ship rocked sideways, shoving Jude against her- who quickly braced them against a wall. “We need to tell the bridge.”

Jude couldn’t find it in herself to continue her sentence, being dragged willingly into the turbo lift. She swiped a peek at her roommate, who gripped her communicator tighter. Hara was about to go up into the bridge, in front of her captain and propose to him a far-fetched idea that will most likely have no correlation with one another. Yet as the turbo-lift trembled, they knew they were running out of solutions.

Jude hovered her hand above Hara’s shoulder, before pulling it away once she catches her.

“Desperate times,” She nodded, “You’re doing what’s best for your crew. It’s worth the shot.”

“Let’s just hope those colors aren’t hallucinations from your shock,” Hara grumbled and Jude took that as a stubborn ‘yes.’

“ What’s going on, Hara? Talk to me.”

The science officer sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, “ We were traveling in warp when something drops us out. The force that pulled us out was unstable, and it caused a kind of breach. Those in engineering found a coolant leak, if not fixed in time it could cause a runaway reaction within the warp core. Thankfully, engineering got it covered, but our warp core is temporarily damaged. Without it, the warp nacelles can’t take us into warp drive.”

Jude nodded, “ You’re saying we’re stuck.”

“ Not exactly. The ship can make one more jump, but we need coordinates.”

“You can’t just punch in a random one?” Jude asked.

“Not in this case. We’re unsure of the force’s magnitude, punching in an arbitrary coordinate or a predetermined one could cause immense pressure against the ship’s exterior,” Hara caught Jude’s blank stare, slowing down, “ Think of it this way, someone is holding your arm and you want to break free – so you pull as hard as you can, not knowing how hard the person is holding you.”

“You might end up ripping your arm,” Jude whispered, shaking the mental image of the ship snapping into two. “So we need specific coordinates that can take us far enough to safety, but not too far that the ship will break?”

“ Correct, but we can’t calculate that trajectory. The force is malfunctioning most of our sensors, the calculations are likely to be accurate.”

The turbo lift stopped, doors hissing open to reveal clusters of shouting and people jogging to each other’s stations. If she didn’t feel scared before, she felt it now. There was something intimidating in the sight of Pike with his hair tousled, throwing suggestions here and there, of Number One furiously typing on her screen as the hull rocked to the side and –

Spock stood beside the captain’s chair, shoulders squared in the briefest hint of tension. His voice remains leveled, yet stern as he commanded the helmsman to give him status on their shields.

“ Shields at 60% and dropping quick, sir!”

Pike spot the two of them, eyebrows raising as his eyes met Jude’s.

“ Ensign Hara, please tell me you’re here to bring good news.”

Hara tensed, “The primary warp cores are stabilizing sir, but we can’t utilize it. Using it would overheat our propulsion systems. We’re running on Auxiliary Warp Cores. They're functional only for one jump.”

That caught Spock’s attention, who wanted to question Jude’s presence- but decided against it. Jude bristled under their scrutiny, eyes flickering onto the mid-screen. She did a double-take. The array of lights danced across the shadow of space, the colors slowly fading into one another. They were swaying, changing and illuminating. The plethora of colors – red, orange, green, shimmered and stretched, growing and receding, striving and shrinking. One moment the light blurred into a singular color, a path that stretched out into the dark, the next moment it was a collection of many, a sphere that encircled the ship, rocking it to the side.

“ Jude.”

Pike’s voice anchored her back into the present. People in the nearest station were watching her, hands hovering unsure above their controls – eyes darting back and forth to their screens to space before them.

“ You don’t see them? The colors, there are colors outside,” Jude stuttered, pointing at the trail of amber.

“ There’s nothing outside,” Number One argued, zooming in the screen to search for any hint of color, only for it to show a stretch of space.

“Are you certain they are not hallucinations caused by your distress?” Spock suggested.

Jude recoiled in frustration, “They’re circling the ship! I know this is crazy and I know you think I’m lying, but that’s what I see. A burst of color, red, green, yellow. There’s this – “

She caught her tongue, swallowing her words, “ The point is, I see it – and I know I don't know how to explain it, but this isn’t some kind of hallucination. Trust me, please.”

Pike’s eyes grazed the wound by the side of her head, holding her gaze with a form of unspoken uncertainty that made Number One squirm. “ Any other option?”

Number One couldn’t answer her captain, opening her mouth before closing it once more. “ We’re out of options sir, we can’t decide with the ship at stake.”

It was a clear way of paraphrasing ‘ one false move and everyone dies.’

Jude suddenly felt unsure, a heaviness settled around her shoulders and the weight of her decision finally hit her like a truck by an overpass. She was nearly knocked off her feet, wobbling slightly to the side. Hara subtly braced a hand against her elbow, face taut.

“ What you propose has no factual evidence, there is too much at risk. It would put everyone in danger.” Spock argued, seemingly perturbed by the suggestion.

“ We’re already in danger, Spock,” Pike exhaled, “ What do you suggest these colors mean?”

Jude bit the inside of her cheek, the tune of the music getting louder as they ring in her ear – the bass of the guitar plucking the strings of her wildly beating heart. The words of a friend echoed in the back of her mind, mingled with the information Hara told her.

“ I- I think they’re coordinates. That’s what you need isn’t it, precise and predetermined coordinates?”

Jude looked back at her friend, who failed to hide her expression – nodding curtly. Pike seemed to join in, rubbing his chin with his hand. A rough shove caused the hull to jolt to the side, causing a set of alarms to go off.

“ Shields at 45% and dropping, sir !”

“ The colors, sometimes they merge into this sphere – but then they’ll separate into these lines. They’ll always go back into this line, where the arrangement of colors is consistent. Each color represents a number. Grey comes first, and second, then green, then aqua – “

Jude trailed her hand, counting the numbers in the air, “0023845. There, those are the numbers.”

“ Are you sure?” Number One asked, fingers hovering above the pad.

Jude nodded, “ I am.”

“ Do it,” Pike agreed. Number One mutely stared at him, shaking her head before placing the coordinates on the panel.

“ Captain this is irrational,” Spock argued, marching past Jude, “ We are following decisions based on intuition. The percentage of succeeding would be – “

“ Spock, there’s nothing else we can do.” Within the crowded deck, his strained voice reached everyone’s ears. There was something unsettling in having to watch Captain Pike’s uncertainty, a man they all thought was untouchable to defeat. “ Jude, I don’t think you’re here by accident.”

Jude wanted to apologize for making him put his crew’s life on the line, her life on the line – yet she knew she couldn’t, more doubt was the last thing he needed.

The coordinates were set and Jude itched to hold on to something, to hold herself in place – her fear was overlapping with a variety of other emotions. She instinctively reached out for Hara, before backtracking, wrapping her hands around herself. Maybe this was the part where she’d wake up.

“All personnel, this is Captain Pike,” He paused, “Starfleet believes in service, sacrifice, and truth. As captain, the last thing I want to do is to put my crew at risk, but what we’re about to attempt is a leap of faith – and I ask you to trust me. ”

He looked at Jude, “And I trust you all to do your best in keeping this ship stable as we prepare for warp. Be brave, be bold. Pike out.”

He closed the channel, the pin by the side of his chest seemed to radiate – full of humble authority and underlying compassion.

“ Bridge, prepare for warp.”

The space around them began to shrink, the darkness of space replaced by a bright blue tunnel. What followed next seemed to happen all to fast for Jude. The ship violently jerked forward, like someone just abruptly hit the brakes on a 4,960,000 metric ton car. She was launched forward, her feet lifting off the floor. An arm coiled around her waist, anchoring her in place. With her ribs were crushed against a railing, she was propelled into a bulk of mass behind her.

The lights were blurring around her vision, replaced by black spots. Voices were calling her name, mingled with a cluster of noise. Her head was swirling, infused with a distant melody that thrummed across the back of her mind. She leaned her head back, watching how the arm around her waist was tinted with splotches of green. Despite herself, Jude let out a contented sigh, letting the last few notes of _Strawberry Fields_ guide her eyes close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! Just to clarify, the flashbacks Jude have with her friend isn't always continuous with one another. It could just be flashes of memories here and there. I hope you are enjoying this story so far :)


	5. which dance before me like a million eyes, they call me on and on across the universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Vulcans experience emotion, however, they are culturally inclined to hide these. Spock was acutely aware of how his human heritage made this more difficult for him. He had once overheard his mother confess to Sarek that she was concerned about the consequences of his upbringing on Vulcan. His mother had argued that raising him on Vulcan would only make him more naturally inclined to emotion, as she had phrased – “ He would be unable to deal with their emotions healthily and instead, he would either avoid them altogether or end up hurting someone.”
> 
> He wondered if this was what his mother had feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update everyone I have been catching up on ( online ) school work ! Where I'm from we're still under lockdown, so it makes it harder to complete my work and to stay focused. Anyways, I hope you are all doing well, thank you for the feedback - I am floored by the positive comments and generous kudos ! Love you guys, here's a chapter <3

_2254, Federation Space_

Under the lights of the sickbay, Spock noticed that her skin was littered with freckles – the small brown spots littering the base of her wrist to her shoulder and peppering the bridge of her nose. She rubbed a finger across her brow and Spock shifted his attention towards the monitor. Dr.Ito was muttering to herself, pacing across the biobed. Jude was unresponsive, eyes skimming the monitor before falling against the bed.

She didn’t seem to be in a state of shock, merely agitated by the way her feet bounced against the floor. Dr.Ito stilled her pacing, pinching the screen before swiping it before Jude.

“ You went into mild shock. Loss of consciousness, light-headedness – nothing too serious." Dr.Ito pointed a hypospray on the side of her head. Jude flinched, the sudden motion causing her to knock a tray of bottles by the bedside.

“ It’s a hypospray,” dr. Ito explained, looking down at Jude somewhat in pity. “It’ll help ease the headache, it’s not painful.”

She relented, and dr. Ito pressed it to her temple. Jude flinched at the contact, glaring at the doctor - who ignored it by pointing on the screen.

“ So, seeing colors huh,” the doctor hummed, “ Chromesthesia. Haven’t seen that one in a while.”

“However, you were not exposed to any form of acoustic stimulus,” Spock inquired, “How could you have possibly seen the colors?”

Spock was aware of what chromesthesia or sound-to-color synesthesia is. A type of synesthesia in which sound involuntarily evokes an experience of color. A human trait. There was no sign of music being played across the enterprise during the time of the attack.

She gave a defeated sigh, “I told you. I heard it, _Strawberry Fields Forever_ , right next to my ears. I can’t make it up. It’s not exactly the kind of music I’d want to listen to before I die.”

He was unaware of the song, assuming it was composed by a 21st-century singer. He recalled her inquiring about them in front of Pike. The Beetles. Fascinating, how they would name themselves after a group of insects.

“When did you start hearing the song?” Dr.Ito passed her a glass of water, to which she accepted.

“When Pike initiated red alert, I looked outside the window, and I saw the colors. They surrounded the ship. I’m pretty sure they were causing the attack.”

“ You are implying we were attacked by a series of longitudinal waves. Illogical, sound, or any form of vibrations alike cannot travel through a vacuum. It is elementary.”

Jude cocked an eyebrow at him, “ You got a better idea?”

He mulled over her challenge.

“ I’m going, to be honest with you Jude, I should’ve run more diagnostics on your body before letting you run around the ship.” Dr.Ito pulled her lips tighter, “ You’re from the 21st century. I should have done a full body scan on your cells, to prevent you from bringing back any nasty diseases. Thankfully, you’re clean, but just to be safe – I’ll have to test your vitals and get a quick blood test for any signs of infection. But there’s another thing that concerns me.”

She moved closer to Jude, gesturing for her to lie flat on the bed. She looked at Spock, expression thoughtful. The light tint on her cheeks was the last thing he saw before he averted his eyes on the screen.

“ In the kindest way possible, you’re two hundred years behind evolution. In the twenty-third century, your perfectly healthy twenty-first-century white blood cells are barely functional. Contact with a sick person may immobilize you.”

Her heart rate picked up, the vitals on the screen fluctuating.

“ I don’t want to scare you, but we need you to undergo treatment to strengthen your platelet production, blood count, and immunity. I'll be sending you a series of exercises you can try to boost metabolism - I'll assign ensign Hara to help you with it. Also, I'm prescribing you these pills, drink three of them a day after a meal. Find some time to hit the gym and control your diet to speed up the process. Something tells me you’ve been eating a lot of junk in the twenty-first century.”

He heard Jude laugh. “ Food isn’t cheap in the twenty-first-century doc.”

Spock is aware of the twenty-first century, defined in the calendar of Earth as the period from two-thousand one to two-thousand one-hundred. It was a decisive turning point in human history. After World War III devastated large parts of Earth placing Humanity in near-extinction, Zefram Cochrane made his historic jump to Warp 1 with the Phoenix making First contact with the Vulcans, ushering in a renaissance of peace, unity, and development for Humankind. Yet details in regards to the period before the third world war was rarely discussed in detail, they had little significance to his duties in the federation.

The year she traveled from was two-thousand twenty, six years before the war commences. Spock found it troubling how he could barely recall any historical figures of that time. It was a period of uncertainty for mankind. He could only think of the Bell Riots of two thousand twenty. Their cry for help was a crucial milestone in the prehistory of the Federation.

“ It must be tough,” dr. Ito murmured.

There was a prolonged amount of silence, accompanied by the beeping of her vitals.

“ I heard there’s – there was a war,” Jude whispered. He could not understand why she lowered her voice. They seem to be trembling, she sounded afraid. “ In two-thousand twenty-six, there’ll be this nuclear war.”

“ The accurate terminologies would include nuclear cataclysm, genocide, and eco-terrorism,” Spock informed. Dr. Ito turned sharply to him. He could not see his fault in correcting her, would it not be beneficial? She didn’t respond to him, merely tilting her chin upwards.

“ The war started in the year two-thousand twenty-six, over the issue of genetic manipulation and Human genome enhancement, and lasted until approximately the year two-thousand and fifty-three.” Spock continued, “ It resulted in the death of some six hundred million Humans. By the end, most of the major cities had been destroyed and there were limited governments left.”

World War III was fought in an era where various factions were known to control their military with narcotics. Among the parties involved was the Eastern Coalition - referred to as "the ECON”, whose direct attacks included those against the United States of America. In 2026, at the start of the war, Colonel Phillip Green led a faction of eco-terrorists that was responsible for the loss of thirty-seven million lives. Colonel Green's activities during the war were often cited as "genocidal" and treacherous. He and his troops personally killed hundreds of thousands of individuals affected with radiation sickness and other "impurities," using as a rationale that it was necessary to prevent their passing on such traits to later generations.

He had seen the impassioned speech delivered by Colonel Green, asking for the impure to be purged from society.

Approximately ten years after the end of the war, First Contact was made with the Vulcans. The realization that Humans were not alone in the universe united Humanity in a way no one ever thought possible, and within fifty years, less than two generations after the post-atomic horror, Humanity was finally able to eliminate poverty, disease, war, and hunger. Along with poverty, a lot of other things disappeared from Humanity, including hopelessness, despair, and cruelty.

“ So if by some miracle, ”She let out a short laugh, “ I managed to go home. I’ll be waiting for a war I can’t prevent. I’ll most likely die before my thirties fighting a pointless war, or die because of nuclear radiation.”

He could not understand her humor, nonetheless, he indulges in her query. “ You are correct. The chances of you being enlisted in war are above ninety-point thirty-five percent. Your geographical location and age suggests that you would be exposed to –“

“ _Spock_!” dr.Ito placed herself before the two. Spock was not aware that he had moved to the side of her bed. A tear slid down the side of her left cheek.

“ That wasn’t necessary.”

Spock raised a brow, “She asked a question, I merely answered.”

Jude began to convulse, her shoulder shaking forward. It was obvious that she’s crying, the teardrops trailing down her neck and pooling against her collarbones. He could feel a series of emotions arouse within him, he pushed them aside- if she had not wanted an answer to her query then why did she inquire in the first place?

“ You’re a real piece of sunshine, aren’t you Lieutenant Spock?” Jude laughed, chocking on a sob. Again, he does not understand the purpose of her laughter, especially now that she seemed to be upset.

“ You should not ask questions with answers you are not prepared to hear,” Spock defended, “ There is no logic in your fear of the inevitable. The truth prevails and I merely informed you of what you could have deduced on your own from the information accessible to you. Therefore, I do not understand your concern on the matter.”

Dr.Ito was visibly glaring at him. He noticed several other ensigns on the sickbay was watching the exchange.

“ Please refrain from crying,” Spock added.

All Vulcans experience emotion, however, they are culturally inclined to hide these. Spock was acutely aware of how his human heritage made this more difficult for him. He had once overheard his mother confess to Sarek that she was concerned about the consequences of his upbringing on Vulcan. His mother had argued that raising him on Vulcan would only make him more naturally inclined to emotion, as she had phrased – “ He would be unable to deal with their emotions healthily and instead, he would either avoid them altogether or end up hurting someone.”

He wondered if this was what his mother had feared.

His thoughts had given time for Jude to stop crying. She swung her foot off the bed before hastily making her way out of the sickbay. The stares from his crewman lingered, before fading one by one. Dr.Ito seemed furious. “ What the hell was that for?”

“ I have explained –“

“ You know that’s not what I’m asking. You’ve been in the federation or a while now, Spock. Your mother was human. You knew answering Jude’s question was unnecessary. I’m starting to think you did it to make her cry on purpose.”

“ My intention was never to make her cry,” Spock argued, noticing how his voice had grown firmer.

“ Ever since the signals with the red angel, you haven’t been the same, “ Dr.Ito searched for something in his eyes. “ I checked your neuro-vitals Spock, you’ve experienced something in the signals that cracked your logical brain open like a roasted walnut.”

He ignored her flamboyant metaphor.“ Pike noticed – I noticed, that you’re still recovering. Emotion and logic failed you back then, and you’re still testing the waters, trying to get a hold of how things used to be. You just went through trauma all over again, Spock.”

“ Are you implying that I am ill-equipped to complete my duties?”

“ No, but if you continue like this, I’ll start to change my mind.”

Dr.Ito marched past him, the unavoidable truth paling in comparison to the damage he had inflicted upon Jude. He understood that he had hurt her- and although he still does not fully understand which area of his response had specifically caused the damage, the only logical conclusion would be to apologize.

* * *

_2014,Earth_

Jude placed a hand on the shorter girl’s shoulder, turning her around. They were standing in the middle of the school’s parking lot, right next to their bikes. Laughter erupted from the cars nearby, mingled with chatter about the oncoming weekend.

Jude narrowed her eyes, “ Something’s bothering you.”

They stood like that for a moment – Jude’s hand resting on her shoulder as Gwen struggled with the right words.

“ I’m sorry,” She finally sighed, “ I didn’t mean to secrets from you.”

“ Wait – I’m not, Gwen,” Jude placed her hand down, “ I’m not blaming you for keeping secrets, I respect that, but I just thought you might want to share about what's been dragging you down.”

The wind was picking up and Jude knew they better head back to chase the last rays of sunlight, or they’ll be forced to bike with her barely functional night light.

" You know you can always talk to me."

“ I just – I just feel like I can’t do anything right,” She deflated, “ During my chemistry class Mr.Reed was asking questions to the class and no one responded, so I took the liberty of answering them. Then I heard –“ she paused, “ Someone shout from the back that I was – “

“ I was an ass kisser,” She whispered, face recoiling at the insult, “ But I don’t understand, is it not good to want to achieve more and to answer questions when asked? They also called me two-dimensional, I don’t understand what those words meant but – it doesn’t sound very nice. Do you think I’m two-dimensional, a kisser of asses, and – and some kind of social freak?“

“ Fuck,” Jude cursed, looking away.

“ I’m sorry,” Gwen repeated.

“ No,” Jude sighed. She stared ahead at the cars pulling out of the asphalt road, speeding recklessly down the rocky terrain before the violent revving shrunk past the trees. Barely anyone has their driving license, just because they’re legal doesn’t mean they’re qualified – hence the poorly forged cards everyone gets from the shady pharmacist downtown.

“ I’m not mad at you – I’m mad at them,” Jude looked down.

There was a pregnant pause.

“ Why?”

Jude snapped her head up so quickly she might have snapped it, she laughed, “ Because you’re my friend. No one says that to my friend and gets away with it, so you might as well start listing names.”

“ I’m against violence.”

Jude adjusted the strap around her shoulder, “ Oh so you’re a pacifist now?”

Gwen gave her an unamused look. She swung her leg over her bike, pulling it out of the rack. “ Look, Gwen, if I have to be honest, I’m also mad at myself.” Again, Gwen repeated, clicking her helmet in place, "Why?”

“ Because I wasn’t there to help you, and it makes me sick to see them pick on you.” Jude’s look softened, “ You’re not a social freak, just because you’re socially awkward. You’re different, but that’s not bad.”

“ It’s not? Isn't going against the social norm, an undesirable trait ?”

Jude shook her head, “ That’s wrong, sometimes it’s not you who have to change, but the people around you."

Gwen remained thoughtful as they biked halfway through the path, seemingly more careless than usual when she nearly ran into an intersection pole if it wasn’t for Jude’s quick thinking to pull her aside. The leaves fall around them, the promise of winter creeping upon the Autumn breeze.

“ I’m sorry then,” Gwen frowned, “ For burdening you.”

Jude shoved the girl playfully, “ I’ve only known you for a month but if there’s one thing I notice about you is that you have a vice.”

“ A vice?”

Jude could see Gwen’s place in the distance. A cozy two-floor house with the American trademark picket fence surrounding the front garden, the sprinklers hissing against the grass. They walked by the sidewalk, opting to as it allows them to converse better.

“ Yeah, you apologize too much.”

“ I’m sor-“ Gwen caught herself under Jude’s gaze.

“ Gwen,” Jude stated, “ You’re my friend and from one friend to another, I just want to say; don’t be so hard on yourself. If you apologize too much, people will start to think that you’re not really sorry. I know you can’t help it, so let’s change that. From now on, saying sorry should be reserved for things that actually need fixing, if you give out your sorries the same way Mr. Marley does his money, you’ll end up bankrupt.”

" Only if you promise not to do the same," Gwen hummed, " You said you felt guilty, for not being there to help me - it is not something you can control."

" Touche," Jude chuckled. The light by the porch flickered accompanied by the soft clinking of the moths bumping against the bulb.

“ You're my friend. You’ve never been a burden and I don’t think you’ll be one any soon. Never apologize for who you are, don’t change because there’s no reason to in the first place. ‘Sides if anyone disagrees.“ Jude leaned in to make a gesture against her mouth, to which Gwen replied with a shove.

“They can suck my dick.”

“ You don’t have a penis, Jude,” Gwen scolded, unable to hold a light chuckle.

The stairs of the porch creaked under their weight, the wood straining with every step. Jude looked to the sky, the sun was starting to melt against the horizon – soaking the sky with strokes of pink and tangerine.

“ Yeah well, they can still suck it.”

* * *

Jude always wondered whatever happened to teenage Jude. Teenage Jude who’d climb the colossal pine trees by the schoolyard just for the hell of it, teenage Jude who’d wake up every morning with scrapes and bruises from playing outside all day, teenage Jude who would look at danger in the eye and smile as she plunges headfirst into the devil’s mouth.

She never allowed her mind to travel too far, she didn’t like looking back at the past – so she tries to be content with present Jude. Present Jude who wouldn’t even ask the waiter for extra ketchup because the sheer idea of it seems illegal, present Jude who would sit in the furthest end of the carriage with her head down and ears plugged, present Jude who would go as far to hiding to avoid conflict.

Wiping her tears, Jude could only stare at the mirror – oh what she’d do to get a hot bath, yet she was stuck with the sonic shower. It was cold against her skin, an unsettling kind of empty as invisible waves flow down her body – an efficient yet poor substitute for water. Jude could hear a shy tune dancing in the corners of her mind, the absent-minded thrumming of a guitar. It occupied the otherwise silent bathroom, a tune she couldn't quite place her finger on driving her to exhaustion. She didn’t linger a second longer, hopping out once she was done. It was five minutes after she curled herself under the blanket did she hear the tentative knock on her door.

Jude didn't expect the lieutenant to greet her.

“ Lieutenant Spock,” Jude stepped back, “ What are you doing here?”

She bit her tongue at the defensive tone, he kind of deserved it. He gave her attire a sparing glance, before meeting her gaze. She squirmed, fighting the urge to shrink away.

“ I believe an apology is in order.”

“ Only if you feel like it’s necessary.”

She didn't know what compelled her to say that, she should've just accepted it and move on. Yet, it felt good to get it off her chest, even better to see the barest hint of surprise lining his brow.

“ That’s incorrect. When you have wronged someone the only appropriate response is to apologize.”

“ Saying sorry doesn’t come with logic,” Jude sighed, tapping the space below her collarbone, “ It comes from here. Your heart – an apology isn’t valid if it doesn’t come from your own will, and right now it sounds like you’re being forced to say sorry.”

“ It is a socially acceptable response,” He argued.

“ But not to you. You don’t have to apologize if you don’t want to Spock, because I know what you did back there – “ Jude sighed, feeling her anger ebb away, “ What you said, was just the truth. You’re Vulcan, maybe to me it’s insulting, but to you, it’s nothing short of an everyday conversation. People are always telling you to adapt to human culture, I think I should adapt to yours too.”

Jude nodded, “ So, don’t worry about it.”

If Spock wanted to give her a response, it sure wasn’t coming from his face – but his posture shifted. He stepped closer to her, his eyes examining, calculating.

“ Your reasoning is,” He trailed off, “ Understandable. You are correct, I do not see my fault and felt it to be unnecessary to apologize.”

“ Yet,” He added, “ I have hurt you nonetheless, therefore I would like to apologize. I should have initiated a conversation that would be appropriate for both parties, one that suited both Vulcan and human perception. Therefore, to avoid further misunderstandings, I propose we come to an agreement.”

Jude tilted her head, “ Which is?”

“ I would like to learn more about your culture.”

Jude blinked.“ Human culture ?”

“ To be more specific, Earth culture during the twenty-first-century. Although I am aware of the qualitative errors this exchange of information holds, I am inclined to proceed – seeing that first-hand experience outweighs any biases that would come with it. Not only would it help avoid any more conflict between us – seeing that we will be conversing more often with your ability to help us navigate these colored signals, but it may very well serve as invaluable information to Starfleet’s historical records.”

He finished the same way weather forecasters would on a slow Monday morning, or the same politicians would when addressing a sleepy parliament. It was curt, formal with barely any hint of excitement. If Jude didn't know any better, she would have taken it as an offer to pick her apart like a lab rat poorly disguised under the fact that he’s curious about her personal life. Perhaps out of character behavior was more on an attempt to make amends with her – at least she hoped.

“ Sounds fair,” Jude nodded, slightly whiplashed “ Only if you do the same.”

“ You would like to learn about the twenty-third century ?”

“ That,” Jude leaned against the doorframe, “ And your culture. I mean – I understand most of it is private and taboo to share, but I wouldn’t mind being briefed on the basics. Besides, just like you say, we’ll be seeing each other more often.”

She could hear the gears turning in his head.

“ Very well.”

Jude brought a hand up before mentally slapping herself, it slid back to the side, replaced by a tight smile. “ Okay, deal. How do you plan this to go?”

“ My shift ends at every 2100 hours, it would be ideal to meet one another twice a week. An hour of discussion would be sufficient."

Jude peered inside her quarters," Where do you want to meet?"

" The mess hall would be adequate."

Jude thought about the crowded area - nearly everyone would be having dinner by then. What would the crew think if they saw Spock and her eating dinner together, conversing about things outside of work ( although Spock did propose this for the sole reason of work.) It just seems so mundane, too intimate, very unlike what Spock would do.

Yet the look on his face suggests that he's more than indifferent to the idea, so why should she get all worked up about it?

Jude sighed, " Okay."

" Okay is a very loose term."

She held back the urge to roll her eyes. " Yes. It's a deal."

There was a pregnant pause.

" I look forward to our meeting.”

She snorted at his diplomatic statement, how many times has he practiced that on his head to use it against fellow ensigns and officers? Jude bet it was Pike's idea, and nothing short of Number One's doing.

" Now you're just overdoing it."

The joke lingered and even if he did not offer her a smile, there was a certain gleam in his eyes as he walked away. In the midst of her tired yawning, she could picture Ringo Starr leaning by the opposite wall. The bastard was grinning, and if she actually took the time to indulge in her daydream she would see McCartney strumming the guitar. Spock's footsteps echoed down the hall on the right, leaving her to lean on the door frame with a very confused smile as ' _Across the Universe_ ' lazily hummed around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Spock doesn't seem too out of character, if he is , it's because I assume after what happened in season 2 he'll find it more difficult to compose himself - the whole thing left me an emotional wreck, the same could be said with Spock lol. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter !


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